Sunday, March 25, 2012

Prophets in the Bible

(Alphabetical Order)

A

§ Aaron (Exodus 7:1)

§ Abel (Luke 11:50-51)

§ Abraham (Genesis 20:7)

§ Agabus (Acts 21:10)

§ Agur (Book of Proverbs 30:1)

§ Ahijah (1 Kings 11:29)

§ Amos (Amos 7:8)

§ Anna (Luke 2:36)

§ Asaph (Matthew 13:35)

§ Azariah (2 Chronicles 15:1)

B

§ Barnabas (Acts 13:1)

D

§ Daniel (Matthew 24:15)

§ David (Hebrews 11:32)

§ Deborah (Judges 4:4)

E

§ Elijah (1 Kings 18:22)

§ Elisha (1 Kings 19:16)

§ Enoch (Jude 1:14)

§ Ezekiel (Ezekiel 1:3)

G

§ Gad (2 Samuel 24:11)

H

§ Habakkuk (Habakkuk 1:1)

§ Haggai (Haggai 1:1)

§ Hosea (Hosea 1:1)

§ Huldah (2Kings 22:14)

I

§ Iddo (2 Chronicles 9:29)

§ Isaiah (Isaiah 13:37)

[edit]J

§ Jacob (Genesis 28:11 - 16)

§ Jehu (1 Kings 16:7)

§ Jeremiah (Jeremiah 1:11)

§ Jesus (God the Son and/or Son of God) (Matthew 13:57)

§ Joel (Joel 1:1)

§ John the Baptist (Luke 7:28)

§ John of Patmos (Revelation 1:1)

§ Jonah (Jonah 1:1)

§ Joshua (Joshua 1:1)

§ Judas Barsabbas (Acts 15:32)

L

§ Lucius of Cyrene (Acts 13:1)

M

§ Malachi (Malachi 1:1)

§ Manahen (Acts 13:1)

§ Micah (Micah 1:1)

§ Micaiah (1 Kings 22:8)

§ Miriam (Exodus 15:20)

§ Moses (Deuteronomy 34:10)

N

§ Nahum (Nahum 1:1)

§ Nathan (2 Samuel 7:2)

§ Noah (Genesis 7:1)

O

§ Obadiah (Obadiah 1:1)

§ Oded (2 Chronicles 15:3)

P

§ Philip the Evangelist (Acts 8:26) Note: His four daughters also prophesied (Acts 21:8, 9)

§ Paul the Apostle (Acts of the Apostles 9:20)

S

§ Samuel (1 Samuel 3:20)

§ Shemaiah (1 Kings 12:22)

§ Silas (Acts 15:32)

§ Simeon Niger (Acts 13:1)

T

§ The Two Witnesses of Revelation 11:3

U

§ Urijah (Jeremiah 26:20)

Z

§ Zechariah, son of Berechiah (Zechariah 1:1)

§ Zechariah, son of Jehoiada (2 Chronicles 24:20)

§ Zephaniah (Zephaniah 1:1)

Humorous quotations by children

The following Bible stories were apparently written by real students and are genuine, authentic and unretouched. Richard Lederer assembled them; they appeared in National Review magazine on 1995-DEC-31.

In the first book of the Bible, Guinness's, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was, by profession, a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

I was LAUGHING, yes I was LAUGHING :)