Humorous quotations by children

The following Bible stories were apparently written by real students and are genuine, authentic and unretouched. Richard Lederer assembled them; they appeared in National Review magazine on 1995-DEC-31.

In the first book of the Bible, Guinness's, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was, by profession, a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

I was LAUGHING, yes I was LAUGHING :)

Source: http://www.religioustolerance.org

My Daughter Dancing at 7

Hoyabia Lalrinhlui dancing away. You have to watch till the end to see her. She's 7 and this was her first public performance, 29th December 2011.

Status of World Evangelization - 2011

The Great Commission

· “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations (ethne)”

Matt 28:19, a church (fellowshipping disciples) for every ethnic people group.

· “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation”

Mark 16:15, the gospel for every person.

Resulting in God’s glory and kingdom filling the earth, “...worship from every nation, tribe, people and tongue.” Rev 7:9, Hab 2:14.

A Church For Every People – what is the status?

· 6,900 Unreached / Least-Reached ethnic people groups out of 16,600 total groups in the world. (“Unreached - Least-Reached” is defined as less than 2% evangelical individuals and less than 5% Christian adherents in the people group.)

· 3,800 of these Unreached / Least-Reached groups are small, under 10,000 in population, so the task isn’t as large as it first appears.

Countries with the most Least-Reached people groups

Country	Least-Reached Ethnic Groups
India	2,233
Pakistan	447
China	428
Bangladesh	372
Nepal	355

The Gospel For Every Person – what is the status?

· Bible translation: "About 82% of the world's population have New Testament Scriptures in their language. However, to complete the remaining 18% will require possibly as many as 2,200 new translation efforts."

· Christian radio broadcasting: Studies indicate Christian radio broadcasts are in the languages of about 91% of the world’s population.

· Jesus film: There have been approximately 6.5 billion viewings of the Jesus film and it is available in over 1,100 languages covering 95% of the world’s population.

· Status of the gospel for every person: Approximately 70% (4.6 billion) of the world’s population have heard the gospel in some form. 30% (2 billion) have had virtually no exposure to the gospel message.

Status Summary: A Church For Every People Group And The Gospel For Every Person

· A church for every people group: 6,900 Least-Reached groups out of a total of 16,600.

· The gospel for every person, estimates:

10%	true believers
20%	nominal adherents
40%	heard, no response
30%	virtually no exposure

Challenges of the unfinished task

· Spiritual challenge: More Christians were martyred in the 20th century than in the previous 19 centuries combined.

· People challenge: The remaining people groups and individuals tend to be in remote locations, have great language and cultural barriers, practice religious fundamentalism, and are the most resistant to the gospel.

· Political / national challenge: The countries with the most Least-Reached tend to be closed to Christianity.

· Church challenge: Only one out of ten cross-cultural missionaries labor among unreached people groups. Out of every $1.00 (one US dollar) of Christian giving to all causes less than one penny goes toward pioneer church planting among least-reached people groups.

Why are we to complete the task?

Not because it is our duty,

though it is.

Not because it will bring eternal life to many,

though it will.

Not because it will improve the living conditions of the poor,

though it will.

Not because it will improve stability in the world’s institutions,

though it will.

Not because it will improve environmental stewardship,

though it will.

Not because we will be rewarded,

though we will.

We should disciple the nations because

Jesus is worthy to receive their honor, glory and praise.

“After these things I looked, and behold, a great multitude, which no one could count, from every nation and tribe and people and tongue, standing before the throne and before the Lamb.” Rev. 7:9

“Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!” Rev. 5:12

My Source:

Joshua Project

PO Box 62614

Colorado Springs, CO 80962-2614 USA

(719) 886-4000

http://www.joshuaproject.net

Picture Source: Rock Pillar Ministries